100 things the Cullen Parents aren't allowed to do
by citygirl09
Summary: Esme and Carlisle have embarrassed the kids long enough and they are dealing with it their way. In court. But in this court emmett's the judge. All vampires set after BD R
1. Chapter 1

**100 things the Cullen Parents aren't allowed to do!**

**This is a story of what the Cullen parents aren't allowed to do or say in front of their kids. (Or in public in general)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight not matter how many times I watch the movie or get posters it still hasn't worked. *sigh***

**Emmett's POV**

"Mom" I looked at Esme and then turned to Carlisle "Dad"

"Umm Honey?" Esme was looking concerned. "Why are we here?"

"You didn't convince 2nd graders that every time they ate a piece of food it would go "WEEEEEEE" down their throats."

I laughed. My best joke yet.

"Emmett that took months for parents and teachers alike to get those kids to know what actually happens" Esme said in her stern mother voice.

"No, no. It's nothing like that. This actually is about you two" I pointed my fingers to both of them.

Carlisle placed his elbows on the desk and pushed his fingers together.

"Son? What did we _do _exactly?"

I looked at them with my arms crossed. And turned to face Bella who was standing there. She was the good cop. I was the bad one. I nodded my head and she understood. She turned the lights off and then one single light came on above the desk where they were sitting. I turned back towards them and tapped my foot. Bella came into view beside me. We had planned this all out.

"Uh um" Carlisle and Esme looked at her with confident expressions on their faces. "We needed to talk to you because of recent events that have happened so far." They looked at each other puzzled.

I was trying really hard to keep a straight face. Bad cop, Bad cop, Bad cop.

"What recent events are you talking about Bella?" Carlisle asked her.

"We will discuss those events with each one of you separately."

"Alright." Carlisle said. "I'll go out for a quick hunt while you interrogate my wife." He gave her a quick kiss on the lips and ran through the door.

"Alright" Bella turned towards Esme. "Guess you're up first"

We faced each other with a smirk and turned back towards Esme. This was gonna be fun.

**Hey I am adding this story because hey whose parents haven't embarrassed them and this honours those moments. Now I ask now is to tell an embarrassing moment about your parents and I will put your user name and moment into my honours list (list either at beginning or end of each chapter) thanks**

**citygirl09**


	2. Author's note

**Authors Note**

**Rewritten**

To anybody who is reading this story I ask one thing of you. If your parents have ever done anything embarrassing in front of you or in public or just your mom or just your dad (cause I know the have) Please tell me and I will add it in my story and put it in a list saying thank you to all of you. Thanks.

citygirl09


	3. Chapter 2 Esme's interrogation

**Chapter 2 – Esme's Interrogation**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight no matter how hard I try**

**Esme's POV**

I watched my love leave through the door and immediately turned back to Bella and Emmett. They were whispering to each other and I waited to see what the hell was going on.

"Uh um" Bella cleared her throat again and I stared at her.

"Esme"

"Yes Bella?"

"The reason we are doing this is because of a few embarrassing acts committed on your part."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh you _know_ what she's talking about." Emmett leaned over me and talked in his booming voice.

"Emmett." Bella kinda whined at him. "You know there is NO bad cop until she gets a little difficult!"

"Aw Bella" Now Emmett was whining at her.

"Okay Esme" My attention immediately turned back to her. "Here are some off the acts you have committed."

She pulled out a stack of papers and looked them over. She tossed them to me and I saw it was a list.

**50 things Esme Cullen is not allowed to do:**

"Read it out loud" she said.

I started to read out the list she had handed to me.

**Is not allowed to kiss Edward, Jasper or Emmett goodbye if she drops them off anywhere. It embarrasses them.**

"Yeah" Emmett cut in "we were called Mama's boy for weeks"

"Sorry isn't a mother allowed to kiss her boys goodbye?"

"Mom we're all over a century old!"

"Still"

"Continue" Bella said

**Not to yell out 'do you need Tampons' to Reneesme in public**

**Is not allowed to seduce our teachers in order for us to get a good grade.**

"That was only one time when Emmett's grades dropped. Besides he should have known it by now" I stated.

"Does it matter? We were called teacher's pet" Emmett complained.

"Fine"

**Is not allowed to go underwear shopping with the boys and pick out anything with dinosaurs or trucks they can pick out their own.**

"Yeah you embarrassed us in front of the entire mall" Emmett complained.

"So you needed new underwear"

"Were not six though"

**Do not tuck Reneesme into bed she may be 5 years old but mentally and physically she is 17 so she doesn't need help.**

**Do not and I repeat do not ever come to a keg party that we attend and try to get "drunk" with us. It was embarrassing.**

**Don't ask any of us if we need condoms in the middle of the mall. We are vampires and we don't get pregnant.**

"That was embarrassing" Bella said. If she were human right now she would be bright red.

"But what happens if you did get pregnant?" I asked.

"Are you listening to yourself?" She asked "Why the hell would I get pregnant again. The first time was painful enough."

"Alright" I gave in.

**No wearing low V – neck sweaters.**

**No cooking any food. We do not eat only Jake will.**

**No karaoke we were kicked out of that restaurant because of it.**

**No practicing your pole dancing in front of us.**

**Actually no pole dancing period.**

"But pole dancing keeps you in shape" I protested.

"You're a vampire you will never change." Emmett said.

"Fine."

**Do not walk in on us doing it. We don't need an audience.**

**No screaming "that's my son/daughter" when we accomplish something.**

**Not allowed to steal kids away from their mothers and then get all depressed when we take them away.**

**Not allowed to cry at our Graduations saying how we grew up so fast and we'd be moving out and other stuff like that. We have graduated numerous times.**

**Not allowed to get all pissy one moment then happy the next and blame it on PMS. We don't get our periods so we don't PMS.**

**Not allowed to use embarrassing nicknames on us in public. We get called it at school.**

"Aww but Emmett you're my big emmybear." I pouted like a three year old.

"Mom" He said in a warning tone.

**19. Not allowed to seduce Charlie just to get out of a parking ticket.**

**20. Actually no seducing Charlie at all.**

**21. You are only allowed to remodel the house twice a year**

**22. You're not allowed to be a groupie to the Jonas Brothers.**

**23. You are not allowed to pretend to be Hermione Granger**

**24. And tell people that Hogwarts actually exists**

**25. You are not allowed to buy pregnancy tests you will never need them.**

**26. Not allowed to sign up for American Idol**

**27. Then seduce the Judges when you lose just so you can win.**

**28. Not allowed to sing Hannah Montana**

**29. You are not allowed to read bed time stories to Reneesme**

**30. Not allowed to change your mind every ten seconds just to mess with Alice.**

**31. Not allowed to take Alice's credit cards away it makes her angry.**

**32. Not allowed to be a stand up comedian. You are **_**not **_**funny.**

**33. Not allowed to sneak around and pretend you are Buffy.**

**34. When Jake is in his wolf form you are not allowed to pretend he is an actual dog.**

**35. Not allowed to run around screaming "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" in a crowded mall.**

**36. Not allowed to force them into therapy**

**37. **

"37 is empty" I said.

"Yeah we kinda got stuck after that so we will add to it once figure something else" Bella said.

"You got a problem with that?" Emmett said getting up in my face.

"No I do not" I said. Bella smacked Emmett upside the head and turned back to me.

"You are finished here. We will give the verdict after we interrogate Carlisle" I nodded and opened the door to find my husband leaning his ear on the door trying to listen in.

"You have vampire hearing you don't need to do that" I said.

He shrugged his shoulders and rubbed his hands together.

"My turn" he said. He gave me a lingering kiss and then I was off running into the Alaskan forest.

**Finally I finished it and I am sorry it took so long but I will make the next update faster.**

**I will put all my thanks up in the last chapter.**

**Carlisle's turn. Get your keyboards ready readers.**

**On your mark.**

**Get set**

**REVIEW (please)**

**Oh question. What's the most embarrassing think your dad has done to you?**

**citygirl09 **


	4. Chapter 3 Carlisle's interrogation

**Chapter 3**

**Carlisle's interrogation.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot to this story. And some of these rules. Other rules are done by my awesome reviewers. So readers who don't review and want to be awesome... REVIEW.**

**That is all.**

**CPOV**

I looked at Emmett and Bella standing there arguing and pointing at me.

Finally Bella turned around and smiled at me.

"Mr. Cullen" Bella started.

"Carlisle please" I said.

"_Mr. Cullen_, please have a seat" She pointed to a very uncomfortable chair. I sat down and waited for them to speak.

"Do you know why you are here Mr. Cullen?" Bella asked.

"Well from the lights, uncomfortable chair and somewhat menacing glare from Emmett"

"HEY!" I heard Emmett say.

"I'd say this was an interrogation"

"Your assumption is correct. Do you know what you did?" Bella asked.

"No but judging from your papers you will tell me"

"Correct again Mr. Cullen" She tossed the papers onto the table. "Please read that aloud"

I shrugged my shoulders.

**50 things Carlisle Cullen is not allowed to do:**

**1. Is not allowed to show up at our school dressed in a bathrobe, bunny slippers, and curlers yelling at us saying "YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCH SWEETIE!"**

**2. Is not allowed to try and be gangster**

"Hey that's not fair I got my do rag and everything homeskilletbiscuit"

"Yeah just keep reading" Bella said.

**3. No answering the door in Esme's bathrobe or yours actually no answering the door until you are fully clothed.**

**4. Not allowed to talk "hip"**

**5. Not allowed to scare little kids. We can get sued!**

**6. Not allowed to be a Ghostbusters**

"Aww come on that was fun" Emmett whined.

"Emmett" Bella growled.

He sighed. I shook my head and continued reading.

**7. No talking about "When you were our age"**

"Why not?" I asked.

"Do you even remember that far back?" Bella asked.

"No" I sighed.

"Then don't say 'back when I was a boy' then go into a long winded speech you got off of Hannah Montana" Bella said.

"Fine"

**8. No texting what so ever.**

**9. No scaring little children on Halloween**

**10. No dressing as the "evil doctor" and scaring the shit out of your patients.**

**11. No bragging that you are the best doctor**

**12. Is not allowed to pretend he is Draco Malfoy**

**13. Is not allowed to go the high school and yell "Hey slut" just to see how many girls' heads turn.**

**14. Is not allowed to seduce Charlie if you get a ticket. That...just...ewwwww!**

**15. Is not allowed to dance like Michael Jackson**

**16. Is not allowed to picture weird/dirty things in your mind just to freak Edward out**

**17. Is not allowed to sing thriller**

**18. Is not allowed to go into an elevator and scare everyone. (Lord only knows how you did that)**

**19. Is not allowed to dress as Draco Malfoy and ask if any wants to see your "wand"**

**20. Is not allowed to seduce any nurses what so ever because that will piss Esme off.**

**21. Actually no seducing anyone. PERIOD.**

**22. Is not allowed to yell "whoo" when you win something**

**23. Is not allowed to ride the thing that carries the luggage at the airport.**

"But that was fun!" I protested.

"It may have been but we were banned from that airport and on the most wanted list" Bella sighed.

I pouted.

**24. Is not allowed to go to a crowded mall and yell "Hey look it's Justin Bieber"**

**25. Is not allowed to go to a Justin Bieber concert with a rifle obviously hidden in your shirt.**

**26. Is not allowed to dress as voldemort and go to the second part of harry potter and "duel" with a fake harry potter and when you lose throw him in a trash can**

**27. Is not allowed to make videos and post them on YouTube.**

**28. Wait actually no making videos period.**

**29. Actually just stay away from the camera.**

**30. Is not allowed to be a photo bomber**

**31. Is not allowed to dress as Lady gaga**

**32. Is not allowed to have a YouTube account**

**33. Is not allowed to create a page on Facebook that says Carlisle is the sexiest beast ever.**

**34. Is not allowed to post suggestive or provocative photos on Facebook**

**35. Is not allowed to have a Facebook account at all.**

**36. Is not allowed to stand on a yacht and imitate Leonardo Di Caprio from Titanic**

**37. Is not allowed to dress up little dogs in ridiculous outfits**

**38. Is not allowed to make hamburgers and call them Crabby patties**

**39. Is not allowed to sing in the shower**

**40. Is not allowed to sing Hannah Montana**

**41. Actually no singing ever and that means your entire long lasting existence**

**42. Is not allowed to create a conspiracy theory you remember what happened in 2000.**

**43. Is not allowed to put pads on the windows and call them "airplane stickers"**

**44. Is not allowed to "hack" into anybody's account**

**45. Actually stay away from the computer**

**46. Actually stay away from all technology unless one of us is there to help excluding Emmett.**

"Hey" Emmett said.

"You know how hopeless you are near technology this shouldn't come as a surprise." Bella said.

"True" Emmett shrugged.

**47. Is not allowed to serenade Esme**

**48. Is not allowed to serenade Charlie (refer to rules 14 and 41)**

**49. Is not allowed to convince little children that they "can" grow up to be flesh eating zombies.**

**50. Is not allowed to play paper football at work**

**51. Is not allowed to play twister**

**52. Is not allowed to rip up this list under any circumstances**

"Hey that isn't 50 rules its 52" I said.

"Very good you can count" Bella said.

"But it says 50 things not 52"

"We can make as many rules and restrictions as we like"

"You got a problem with that?" Emmett said.

"Emmett down" He sighed and sat in a chair.

"Mr. Cullen we trust that you can follow these rules right?" Bella asked.

"Of course" I said.

"Good now please retrieve your wife we have one last list for the both of you" Bella smirked a little evilly.

"Of course" I got up and went to retrieve my wife.

**Okay sorry guys I didn't update sooner it's just school work and then the school musical and then some trips and exams and now summer I have the time I will update the last chapter soon and this story will be complete.**

**Please review! I love you all if you do!**

**citygirl09**


	5. Chapter 4 The final verdict

**Chapter 4 – The final verdict**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing :(**

**No one's POV**

Carlisle and Esme sat at the table that had been placed in the center of the living room.

A series of chairs was placed in front of it holding the remaining family members.

Their faces were stoic.

A door opened to the left of the room and in stepped Emmett and Bella with a single piece of paper.

"Ladies and Gentleman of this extremely small jury in my hand I hold the evidence that will choose the fate of the couple sitting in front of you" Bella said.

"Jury member Alice could you please read the final rules out?" Bella handed the paper to Alice who stood up and began reading out the rules.

**The Top Ten Things Esme and Carlisle Cullen are forbidden to do:**

**1. Not allowed to kiss in Public.**

**2. Not allowed to touch any part of each other except the others hand in public**

**3. Not allowed to say anything about your **_ugh _**sexual life in front of and/or to us**

**4. Not allowed to watch Barney with Emmett**

"Yeah you crushed my dreams of someday becoming a big purple dinosaur" Emmett whined.

"Shut up" Bella said.

Emmett slouched where he stood.

**5. Not allowed to cut off Alice and Rosalie's credit Cards**

**6. Not allowed to wear yellow and black together in a shirt.**

**7. Not allowed to dress up as Hermione and Draco and say you're together destroying Harry potter fans views. That what fanfiction is for**

**8. Not allowed to touch anything that could possibly be harmful to anyone else in the family**

**9. Not allowed to create havoc in any public place**

**10. Not allowed to rip any of these lists up. And you must follow all the guidelines without question.**

Bella turned to Alice and took the list from her hands and stapled it on the wall next to the other two lists.

"People of the Jury please go and converse and tell us the verdict" Bella said.

Alice stood up immediately following Bella's order.

"Bella we the people of the Jury find Esme and Carlisle Cullen guilty. Their sentence is to follow the rules and if they fail to follow these terms they must spend at least six months apart." Bella nodded.

"Alright. Okay let's clean this up guys" Bella said.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

Esme opened it and in stepped two men dressed in all black.

"How may we help you?" She asked.

The taller of the two spoke "We are looking for a man named Harry Potter; he is under arrest from disturbing the peace and causing an airplane to land"

Esme and Carlisle turned to Emmett who grinned and shrugged before bolting through the closed door leaving a giant hole in the shape of him through it.

The two men took off after him. Carlisle and Esme shrugged and continued to clean up. Next time this happened it was Emmett's turn to be put on trial.

**THE END!**

**There this story is done. I hoped you guys enjoyed it and please review I want feedback!**

**citygirl09**


	6. THANK YOU LIST!

**Thank you list**

**I am sorry I forgot to put this up at the end but I am doing it now. So here is thanks to all that contributed to this story.**

HufflepuffProud98

Amikt1995

spicemeisje

Daybreak96 – you gave a lot of great ideas thank you!

Bri P

happybagel

jwtwifan

and TeamBellatrix

**Thank you to all who contributed and to all who reviewed and to all who will review in the future.**

**citygirl09**


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